In romantic relationships, whether you are married, living together, or in the early stages of dating, emotional safety is crucial for maintaining trust, vulnerability, and intimacy. Emotional safety refers to the feeling of being secure enough to share your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment or rejection.
Establishing emotional safety in relationships requires effort from both parties and is the foundation for a satisfying relationship. Once this is established in your partnership you will have a more spacious relationship where there is less of an emotional tug of war, less communication breakdown, and ultimately less fighting. Wouldn’t you love to feel that you can talk to your partner without the fear that things will go badly if you say the wrong thing?
Here are some ways to cultivate emotional safety:
1.Open Communication:
Encourage open communication by actively listening to your partner without interrupting or making assumptions. Mirror back what they are saying, show them you are listening by nodding your head, saying "yes", and maintaining eye contact. Ask questions to clarify their perspective and feelings. Think of curiosity as a superpower when it comes to relationships. Learn to ask clarifying questions, such as,
“When you said this what did you mean?” “ I want to understand you better can you explain this more?” "Let me make sure I understand. You're saying that..." or "What I'm hearing is that..."
Avoid being defensive and try to understand their point of view. Respect boundaries: Respecting boundaries is key to establishing emotional safety. It means not pushing your partner to share more than they are comfortable with or disregarding their needs. When it comes to emotional safety, creating a dialogue where you establish what each person needs and how to honor those needs, will set you up to respect each other’s boundaries easier. Sometimes your needs may differ from your partner's needs. Learning how to respect your partner’s need for space when you crave closeness or learning how to take space when a conversation isn’t going well can be challenging at first. This will help you to develop the ability to self-soothe and use internal resources for emotional comfort. Establish clear boundaries and respect them, even if they differ from your own.
2. Practice Empathy:
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Practice empathy by acknowledging your partner's emotions and validating their experiences. Validation is, in essence, the act of helping someone feel heard and understood. You do this by listening to their emotions, listening for the reason or justification for how they are feeling, and sharing this with them. You want to send them this message, ”I am here with you, what you are feeling makes sense." Here is an example, "Wow that sounds frustrating, you must be so overwhelmed having to do your job and other people's jobs at the same time."
Avoid dismissing their feelings or making them feel guilty for how they feel. You do this by learning what invalidating language is so you can avoid these invalidation traps, This type of language typically suggests that the other person is being irrational and/or “shouldn’t” feel the way they are. It sends the message that they “should hurry up and get over it."
3. Foster Trust:
Trust is an essential component of emotional safety. Be consistent in your actions and words, and follow through on your commitments. When your actions and words line up you are in integrity. When you are in integrity, the amount of doubt, worry, or fear that can creep into a relationship will be minimal. Try your best to follow through on commitments, this will make your partner feel valued and important. We can’t follow through on our commitments all the time so when you are unable to do so, make it a point to schedule another time in the future and follow through then, this will help you to avoid disappointing your partner. However, don’t make this a trend in your relationship, this will erode trust over time.
4. Create a Safe Space:
Creating a safe space means establishing an environment where your partner feels comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment or ridicule. Avoid criticism or belittling, and instead offer support, validation, and encouragement. You want your partner to come to talk to you. You want to be approachable and be seen as open and receptive. Your receptivity becomes the safe place your partner can come to rely on.
5. Take Responsibility:
Taking responsibility for your actions is essential in establishing emotional safety. If you make a mistake or hurt your partner, apologize and make amends. This can take some time to establish when it is difficult to swallow your pride. Often in relationships, one person wants to protect themselves and make excuses. Just know this only justifies your behavior and does nothing for your partner. Your partner wants to know you understood the mistake you made or how you hurt them. They want to know they can trust that you are aware of how your actions can impact them.
You are in a relationship after all and the truth is what you do and say does impact your partner. Develop the ability to take responsibility for your actions this will strengthen trust, reinforce your integrity, and maintain that you are a safe space. Avoid deflecting blame or making excuses as this only saves you for the moment, it doesn’t help your partner or your relationship.
Establishing emotional safety in relationships takes time and effort, but it's worth it. By creating a safe and supportive environment, you can strengthen your relationship and foster a deeper connection.