In any relationship, it's essential for both partners to feel secure and express their feelings and vulnerabilities openly and safely. Nevertheless, some relationships become strained when one partner emotionally protects themselves from their spouse. This behavior is known as emotional protection, which is a defense mechanism used when someone feels overwhelmed, scared, or vulnerable. It can manifest in different ways, such as avoiding conversations about certain topics, distancing oneself from their spouse, or shutting down emotionally. This behavior can be driven by fear of rejection or abandonment, past trauma, or a lack of trust in their spouse.
Here are five ways someone may be emotionally protecting themselves from their partner:
1. Emotional Distance:
Creating emotional distance is a way of emotionally protecting oneself from their partner. This can involve keeping thoughts, feelings, and experiences to oneself and avoiding vulnerability with a partner. This behavior may be due to a fear of rejection or not knowing how to be vulnerable safely. Sometimes vulnerability can feel like exposure, and without understanding how to create safety, it's easier to avoid it.
2. Defensive Responses:
Responding defensively to one's partner is another way of emotionally protecting oneself. This can involve becoming defensive, dismissive, or argumentative when one's partner expresses criticism or feedback or deflects blame onto them. It can also include avoiding taking responsibility for one's actions or emotions and placing the blame on one's partner or external factors. Defensive responses typically come from deeply held shame from the past, and one's protective mechanism is to defend against feeling shame.
3. Avoidance of Conflict:
Avoiding conflict and confrontation with a partner is another way of emotionally protecting oneself. One may choose to sweep issues under the rug, ignore disagreements, or avoid expressing one's true feelings or concerns. This can result in unresolved issues and unaddressed emotions, which can create distance and disconnection in the relationship. Avoidance of conflict can happen when one has historically experienced negative interactions and wants to avoid them in the present or because they don't know how to get to a solution.
4. Emotional Shutting Down:
Emotional shutting down is another way of emotionally protecting oneself from a partner. This can involve withdrawing emotionally, becoming emotionally numb, or shutting off emotions as a defense mechanism. It can be a way to cope with overwhelming emotions or protect oneself from potential emotional pain or hurt. Emotional shutting down happens when one doesn't know how to describe what they are feeling.
5. Escapism or Distractions:
Engaging in distractions or escapism can also be a way of emotionally protecting oneself from a partner. This can include excessive use of technology, workaholism, overindulgence in hobbies, or other activities that serve as a way to avoid emotional intimacy or difficult conversations with a partner. It can create a barrier between one and their partner, preventing authentic emotional connection. When escapism is present, then overwhelm is usually present too. When one is engaging in escapism, one may be experiencing overwhelming emotions, stress, or uncertainty.
It's important to note that while these protective mechanisms may provide short-term relief, they can also contribute to long-term relational issues, such as communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, and unresolved conflicts. It's important to address these behaviors in a safe and supportive manner, such as seeking professional help or having open and honest communication with one's partner.